Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Things I Will Not Do During This Pregnancy

1. I will not eat Chic-fil-a for breakfast. My baby does not need three tiny chicken biscuits for breakfast, even if those tiny chicken biscuits are the cutest things ever.

2.  I will not "research" (aka google) all of the terrible things that can go wrong during a pregnancy and birth. 

3.  Similar to item 2, I will not lay awake in the middle of the night, wide-eyed, clutching my belly, convincing myself that my child is going to be born with a full set of teeth. That only happens to like 1 in 100 women. I am definitely woman number 99.

4.  I will not watch Steel Magnolias, Beaches, The Notebook, or Hope Floats, and DEFINITELY NOT PRECIOUS during the course of my pregnancy and for at least six months afterward. Why? Because the only thing worse than a hormonal pregnant woman is a hormonal pregnant woman who is sobbing on the couch and singing along with Bette Midler to the "Wind Beneath My Wings."

5.  I will not start shopping for baby girl clothes before I know the sex of my child. Well, maybe just some light online shopping is okay. And if I see an amazing item on sale and it's the last one. And if it's just so cute that I need to buy it because even if I don't have a girl, at some point, ONE of my friends will definitely give birth to a girl and I will give it to them. Those circumstances are okay, but no others.

6.  I will not use being pregnant as an excuse not to do laundry, cook dinner, make whoopee, or help friends with moving.

6. I will not wait until I am already in labor to pack my hospital bag because I was a professional traveler and could pack a carry-on in ten minutes. Being in labor is not the same thing as being late for a flight.

7.  I will not sneak Diet Cokes when my husband/friends/parents/in-laws aren't around. 

8. I will not roll my eyes at my mother when she tells me I am in labor. I will not vehemently deny the fact that I am in labor if I suddenly have to tinkle 12 times in one hour, have shooting pains in my back, and feel the need to scrub the stove with a toothbrush.

9. I will not rush my pregnancy just because I can't wait to hold my new baby.

10. I will not forget who is in control, and that this is as close to assisting God with a miracle that I will ever come, hands down, in my whole life.

1 comment:

  1. you crack me up....i have done ALL these things.
    and more.